A few weeks ago, I randomly had a conversation with a friend about what it means to be a manly man.  I liked her definition, “a manly man is someone who is not afraid to stand up for what he believes in.”  I am still trying to find my definition for what it means to be a man.  I think a lot of it has to do with service.

For the past few years it’s been Acacia’s tradition on Valentine’s day for the guys to cook for the sisters.  This year, to go with that, we had a short message.  The typical message in these situations seems to be from Ephesians 5, which has the command, “husbands love your wives…..”

Love is many things.  First Corinthians 13 makes that very clear.  Love is also about service, as I pointed out in the last post, Jesus showed the full extent of his love through the amazing service of washing his disciples feet.  So I guess if we take Jesus as the example for manliness, I guess that would mean my definition for manliness would be this.

“A manly man sets an example of love through serving.”

Of course this love is not just the love between husband and wife, and it manifests itself in different ways with different relationships.  The way you love/serve your wife would be different from your friends and from your coworkers for sure… but the basic concept is the same.

Last year in Acacia we had a set of core values that we chose to be our focus for the year. I still remember the acronym, CLOUDS, and each of the letters… Community, Lordship, Outreach, Unity, Discipleship, and Service. I still remember most of those studies pretty well too, but there is one study in particular I remember very well, not because it was a very good study… In fact I remember it because it was the worst study I had ever been to, sadly it was one that I was leading. The passage was John 13, Jesus washing his disciples’ feet. Sounds like it should be pretty straightforward, but for some reason it just didn’t work, and I still am haunted by memories of it….. Haha well I guess it’s not really that severe that I have nightmares, but from time to time I think about that study and how bad it was…

Anyways, recently I was reminded of that study again.  This month I started going to BSF (which stands for Bible Study Fellowship I’m guessing) and ironically the first week’s study is on that very same passage.   But strangely the study doesn’t focus too much on the obvious act of service shown by Jesus, instead it focuses on the love that Jesus showed in his last hour. The first few verses show of John 13 show that Jesus was fully aware that his time was coming soon.  He fully knew the hardship that he would soon face, but until the end, what shows is his love for his disciples.  The first verse sets the stage for Jesus’ famous act of service and why it really is an act of love.

It was just before the Passover Feast. Jesus knew that the time had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having LOVED his own who were in the world, he now showed them the full extent of his LOVE.

The act of service shown by Jesus was an outpouring of His love, and it was a precursor to Jesus’ greatest act of service and also his greatest outpouring of love, his death on the cross.  In verse 14, Jesus tells his disciples that they should be washing each others’ feet.  He doesn’t explicitly say it in this passage, but he says it in so many other places, that we should love each other.  Jesus’ act of service is really an outpouring of that love.  Maybe that’s what I messed up in that study last year…. Service is not something that is forced, separately on its own, service really is the practical outpouring of love.  If we are to love one another, we are to serve one another.  If we serve one another, we are showing that we are loving one another.

I usually park between 6 to 8 blocks away from my work, depending on how late/early I am.  The place I park my car is not the greatest area, and I’ve heard from coworkers that cars have been broken into there.  In the two years that I’ve been parking there, I haven’t had a problem.

My daily walk to my car takes me underneath a couple of freeway overpasses.  Lately there’s been a homeless guy sleeping out there.  He’s pretty cool, quite friendly, and he has a dog that sleeps with him.  Today I happened to have an apple with me, so I asked him if he wanted it.  He said he couldn’t eat it because of his teeth, and he smiled, a nice smile, but filled with gaps. I also had a grapefruit with me, which he ended up accepting.

Anyways, that got me thinking…. well the first thing I thought was, “next time I’ll bring an orange…”  The second thing I thought is that I’m really limited in my capacity to help.

The third thing that I’ve been thinking was maybe I’m the one that needs help. I thought about that gap toothed smile, a simple smile that reveals a simple contentment.  I trudge to work every day, and never have a simple smile like that… The simple joy from the simple grace of simply being alive…. that should be reason enough to smile.

Wow what a beautiful night.  After what seemed like endless stormy / cloudy nights, the stars are out. The Stars Are Singing

The Stars Are Singing by Mainstay

I’m pretty impressed with this group called Mainstay.  It’s the first christian album I’ve bought in a long time; I usually just cherry pick individual songs on Itunes.  Their album is called “Become Who You Are.” Amazing vocals, both upbeat and mellow songs, heartfelt lyrics… this album’s got it all.  A lot of the lyrics really speak to me, especially the lyrics from the last song on the album, “Hang On.”

I don’t know how I got to where I am
All I know is that I want to go back
to the moment when I fell in love with grace
and I hear You whisper

Hang on, I know your hope seems gone
Hang on, sometimes the heartache makes you strong
Remember the first time love turned you around

I try my best to pray but my heart won’t move
And all the words the saints say, they just don’t help
I want to go back to when I first called out Your name
and I hear You whisper

To the moment when I fell in love with grace
To the day when I first called our Jesus’ name

I got to hear my buddy BT speak this weekend.  Two things really spoke to me from this message.  The first is the verse, 2 Corinthians 5:14-15. The second was the lyrics he quoted from, from the song the “Wonderful Cross.”

For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 cor 5:14-15

I think a lot of people believe that when they are saved, that’s it, we just wait around until we die and float up to heaven.  The truth is that life begins when we believe.  The song the Wonderful Cross sums it up life very well…

When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of Glory died
My richest gain I count but loss
And pour contempt on all my pride

See from his head, his hands, his feet
Sorrow and love flow mingled down
Did ever such love and sorrow meet
Or thorns compose so rich a crown

O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
Bids me come and die and find that I may truly live
O the wonderful cross, O the wonderful cross
All who gather here by grace draw near and bless
Your name

Were the whole realm of nature mine
That were an offering far too small
Love so amazing, so divine
Demands my soul, my life, my all

When I survey the wonderful cross, I realize how far I miss the mark.  Jesus’ love is so amazing, it demands my all, yet my life doesn’t really reflect this…

I like lettuce. I like subway sandwiches because they are filled to the brim with lettuce.  The cafeteria at my work has tostadas almost every week, which I order with extra lettuce.  Quite tasty.

The last post got me thinking about lettuce.  Well actually, the term, “Let us…..”  I’m sure it appears in the bible many times.  Let us take a look…

A quick search in biblegateway.com finds hundreds of verses with “let us” in them.  Some of the ones in the old testament are from God speaking in plural, for example, “let us make man in our image….” Some are spoken in the heat of battle, “…let us fight bravely for our people…” Some work only in the context of that chapter, “… let us go to the king of Israel…”  But many are commands that are useful to us today.  Here are some of my favorite.

Let us discern for ourselves what is right; let us learn together what is good.  -Job 34:4

Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together. -Psalm 34:3

Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. -Psalm 95:2

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.  -Psalm 118:24

In that day they will say, “Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation.”  -Isaiah 25:9

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.  -Romans 14:13

Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.  -Romans 14:19

Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.  -2 Corinthians 7:1

Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.  -Galatians 5:25-26

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.  Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.  -Galatians 6:9-10

But since we belong to the day, let us be self-controlled, putting on faith and love as a breastplate, and the hope of salvation as a helmet.  -1 Thessalonians 5:8

Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.  Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds.  Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.  -Hebrews 10:22-25

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.  -Hebrews 12:1

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.  -1 John 3:18

I read an interesting quote today. Charles Kettering of General Motors said, “The key to economic prosperity is the organized creation of dissatisfaction.”

I’m still thinking about this, but I think it’s very true.  It was probably very true back in Kettering’s days in the 40s and 50s, but probably a lot truer now in the 21st century.  The basic premise of marketing is to convince a customer of a need that they may or may not be aware of.  If you convince the customer that they need your product, you make the sale.

The age Kettering lived in was the start of the marketing era, when radios and TVs became common place and billboard ads started appearing on the newly created interstate highway system.  Now in our modern society we are constantly bombarded by marketing.  Wherever we go, whether in the physical world or in the virtual world, we are surrounded by advertisements.  When we drive down the freeway we see billboards, when we drive down the information superhighway we see banner ads and popups.  Any information we receive is surrounded by ads as well.  You can’t watch the news or read an article without being bombarded by stupid ads.

It seems like in this world ads are the key to economic prosperity.  And ads seem to fit the description of “the organized creation of dissatisfaction.”  I wonder if that’s part of the reason why we are so unhappy?

Anyways, that was a really weird and overly philosophical rant… quite unusual from me….  perhaps I have too much time on my hands nowadays to think.  I will finish with a bible verse that was mentioned in passing a few posts back…

This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.    -Psalm 118:24

Or in other words…… Let us try to tune out the organized dissatisfaction and be satisfied, let us return to rejoicing and being glad.  Let us realize that each day is a gift from God.  Let us find joy in simple things again.   Let us remember the gifts from God that we already have.

I know I am definitely blessed, and I need to stop wanting more and be happy with what I have.  Even the gift of waking up on a new day should be reason to rejoice.

I finished reading Life After God. It’s been a while since I finished a book so quickly.  It’s pretty similar to one of my favorite books, Catcher in the Rye.  The entire book is short stories, each written in a Holden Caulfield style first person rant/reminiscence.  At the end of the book one of the characters, Scout, realizes this…

Now–here is my secret.

I tell you with an openness of heart that I doubt I shall ever achieve again, so I pray that you are in a quiet room as you hear these words. My secret is that I need God–that I am sick and can no longer make it alone. I need God to help me give, because I no longer seem capable of giving; to help me be kind, as I no longer seem capable of kindness; to help me love, as I seem beyond being able to love.

Life After God. page 359

The funny thing is, I don’t think the author is Christian.  But he comes to the conclusion that we need God.  Whether he believes in the Christian God, or some sort of other god, he realizes that we have an emptiness that can’t be completed without God.

I originally found out about this book through reading a sermon called, “The Problem of Love.”  The author of that sermon quotes that exact line that I quoted above.   Basically the problem of love is that we are given the command to love on another, but we really have no clue about how to go doing that.  The funny thing is, that’s the topic we’re studying at bible study on Friday.  It should be interesting……

http://theresurgence.com/the-problem-of-love

Today I started reading a book called “Life After God.”  I’m already half way through it.  That’s partly because it’s a small book and there aren’t many words on each page.  But partly it’s because it speaks to me so much.  This page reads almost as if I wrote it myself and sorta sums up how I’ve been feeling lately….

I am a quiet man. I tend to think things through and try not to say too much. But here I am, saying perhaps too much. But there are these feelings inside me which need badly to escape, I guess. And this makes me feel relieved because one of my big concerns these past few years is that I’ve been losing my ability to feel things with the same intensity– the way I felt when I was younger.  It’s scary–to feel your emotions floating away and just not caring. I guess what’s really scary is not caring about the loss. I guess this is what your mother is responding to. I make a note in my mind to talk about this with her.

From Life After God. page 150

WOW. It’s been a while since I’ve been on here.  Lately I’ve been struggling with lack of contentment.  I’ve just been unhappy with where I am at life, almost bitter even.  Things are not really that bad, I don’t know why I’ve been so unhappy lately.

Today started off badly.  I overslept by almost an hour, waking up at 8:30, still exhausted from the night before.  If my Blackberry wasn’t buzzing, I probably would’ve slept for at least another hour.  I checked the message on my Blackberry… f(@#$(… I seriously messed up on what I was working on the night before… I get ready as fast as humanly possible, taking a 5 minute shower and throwing on whatever’s available on the top of my clothes pile.  Flying down the freeway at 85-90 miles an hour gets me to work just before 9.  Dahh I’m pretty late… guess I’ll have to park in the garage today. $1.25 an hour… the penalty for tardiness.  I arrived at work to find the problem had already been fixed… but that in itself is a problem… the work I was doing last night was supposed to be sort of hush hush…. now several people know, there may be fallout later…

The rest of the morning goes by surprisingly uneventfully.  I have a ton of stuff to do, but not feeling much motivation to do it.  Wow I just remembered, it’s Tuesday.  Small group day.  It feels like forever since we met.  Doh… haven’t read the chapter yet.  Another thing to do.  Maybe I’ll get to it at lunch time.  Luckily the book’s in my car.  Blah… but I really don’t feel like reading.

1050am.  My stomach is telling me it’s lunch time. Or it’s just pissed cuz I skipped breakfast and didn’t have much of a dinner yesterday.  Ok ok… a nice big stamina ramen should appease it…. At 11 I leave for Akebono, arriving there at 11:10.  DAAAAHHH… what the heck, they open at 11:30?  I don’t have enough time for this… I decide to try the place next door.  Happy Corner it’s called. Hmm.. it’s quiet.  Maybe I will actually read the chapter.  The chapter is called, A DEE DAH DAY.  It begins with a quote.

Joy is the serious business of heaven. – C. S. Lewis

Wow it’s pretty ironic that I’m reading about joy when I’m feeling joyless, in a restaurant called Happy Corner.  Maybe it’s a sign?

This passage really stuck me… It’s so good that I’ll actually type it out now so I can read it again later.

The first step for pursuing joy is simply to begin now. The psalmist says, “This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.” He doesn’t say, “Yesterday was God’s day–how happy I was then.” Nor does he say, “Tomorrow will be the great day– I’ll just endure until then.” This day, with all it’s shortcomings, is the great Dee Dah Day.

We live with the illusion that joy will come someday when conditions change.  We go to school and think we will be happy when we graduate.  We are single and are convinced we will be happy when we get married.  We get married and decide we will be happy someday when we have children.  We will have children and decide we will be happy when they grow up and leave the nest– then they do, and we think we were happier when they were still at home.

If we don’t rejoice today, we will not rejoice at all.  If we wait until conditions are perfect, we will still be waiting when we die.  If we are going to rejoice, it must be in this day.  This is the day that the Lord has made.  This is the dee dah day.

From The Life You’ve Always Wanted by John Ortberg

xanga's been dying.  i return after a long hiatus to show that it's not completely dead.

been depressed in general i guess.  seems like i've been bored with life lately.  it's like i'm stuck in a rut, just looking for the next weekend adventure to get me a temporary high...

not sure what the cure is.  cuz if u just keep going to bigger adventures adventually you'll just crash and burn.

hmmm. been about a month. i guess this is turning into a once a month thing.  lately i been using this blog for devotionals http://dt.dahhh.com

paying for my current car makes me miss my old 87 prelude... i bought that thing for 200 bucks + a steak dinner.  it lasted for about a year and a half before dying on the side of the freeway.  i currently pay almost twice that much every single month for my subaru.

mang that prelude was slow as heck... grandma's in minivans were passing me.. and if i turned on the AC it would go even slower, and the lights would dim.... ahahah... but it was fun to drive

the subaru i drive now is definitely a fun car... i love it cuz it's so practical yet still cool enough... but mang paying for it sucks.  after tax + interest payments and all that it's  gonna end up costing me about 20000, or 100x as much.... it's definitely not 100x more fun, and i'm pretty sure it's not gonna last 100x as long either....

last week I went to the doctor's for a routine physical and to see why i'm always tired.  it turns out that i'm pretty healthy physically, but for some reason i'm still tired at work and home.

but for some reason when i'm outdoors i have crazy energy... i can hike 10 miles uphill with 35 pounds of backpacking gear.. i can bike 70+ miles in a day on my road bike...  i can spend all day biking uphill and downhill on my mountain bike...

but as soon as i open a book, i fall asleep.  if i'm in the office, i'm dead tired within a couple of hours... at home i just lie around all day....

that can only mean one thing... i must be solar powered...

according to this calculator i burned approximately 2150 calories from biking 67 miles on saturday.
http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Vista/6434/CalCalcApplet.html

they were serving chipotle burritos for the post ride meal.  after the 5 hour ride i was crazy hungry. i ate 2.
according to this, the average number of calories per burrito is 1280.
http://www.eddieoneverything.com/nutrition/how-many-calories-are-in-your-chipotle-burrito.php

so i burned about 2150 calories, but ate about 2500, not including the gatorade and energy bars i ate during the ride...

after hiking and biking during the weekend, i felt like crap monday morning.  i was thinking mang i'm getting old... body can't recover anymore... but then i realized, back when you're in college, you don't really have monday mornings... if you feel like crap, you just skip your classes and sleep in.  so maybe my body's not really getting old?

dahhhhhhhh........ so it's been a while since i've been on hair.  i'm surprised there are still people on xanga.

anyways it's been raining a lot lately..... i really wish it would stop so i can get outdoors again.  something i realize lately is that i'm getting old.... must be hitting my quarter (third?.... mid?....) life crisis.  so i made a list of things that i want to do before i turn 30 and what i'm doing this year to help me get closer to those goals...

• bike a double century. the goal is the davis double century by 2011.......... this year my goal is 3 metric centuries.  or 2 metrics + 1 full century. i've already signed up for one on may 2nd.  it's a fundraiser for diabetes, so please consider supporting me here-  http://tinyurl.com/dy5ltt
• backpack 100 miles of pacific crest trail........ the goal for this year is to just backpack anywhere 4 times at least.  gotta make my equipment purchases from last year worth it..........
• go on a bike tour to socal.... this year i want to go bike camping at least 1 or 2 more times.  the time last summer to folsom was pretty cool, but way too short a ride.....
• find out what the heck i'm doing with my life.... right now i'm taking the perspectives course at davis and plan to go on a short term mission for the summer.... not sure though if full time missions is it, but i'll pursue it
• cross country road trip......... north -south or east-west.... doesn't really matter.  iono how i can prep for this this year, it's something u just do.......
• i would say marriage too... but i put a more realistic goal of 32... =p  that's pretty much when all the ppl in my family get married by anyways
  

1/14 - whopper meal + kimchee ramen + jr whopper.  MASSIVE FAIL
1/15 - Ludy's BBQ.  EPIC FAIL
1/16 - Palace Korean BBQ Buffet. MASSIVE EPIC FAIL

i went to the informational session for the perspecitves course this year, they showed this video on bringing the whopper to people who never had a hamburger before. all it did was make me want a whopper. hence the whopper + whopper JR on 1/14

so while i was on the toilet at Ludy's, i was thinking... most people when they get married gain weight.  if i ever got married, i would probably shrink to half my size, cuz i wouldn't be out eating with the guys all the time..

one lesson that i'm learning lately is about contentment. it's funny how the lesson pops up continuously and in different ways

last week's sermon was on 1 timothy 6... the first bullet point from that sermon was "We came and leave with nothing." 1timothy 7-10. the 3 subpoints were - contentment cannot stem from things, contentment means being able to say enough, and discontentment has its consequences...

i've been reading a chronological bible for devos... supposedly the passages are arranged in chronological order. so amazingly the day after the sermon on 1 timothy 6 i read job 1-3 for devos... supposedly job occurred sometime between noah and abraham... anyways, job 1 also talks about contentment. the key verse comes in Job 1:21 where Job falls to the ground in worship after losing all his riches and all his sons and daughters and says, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away, may the name of the Lord be praised."

my favorite song on the radio right now is "Live Your Life" by TI and Rihanna.... on the album version before the song starts he says that we should be thankful for the life we got, stop thinking about what you dont have, and be thankful for what you got. my favorite part of the song goes like this.
Seems as though you lost sight of what's important with the positive.
And checks until your bank account, and you're about poverted.
Your values is a disarrayed, prioritizing horribly.
Unhappy with the riches cause you miss-poor morally.

i guess i was thinking about this as I was chopping onions yesterday... before DKC goes out to UGM they always pray together, and one thing they always pray about is their attitude.. job had the right attitude.. even though he had everything taken away, he was able to praise God....

while i was chopping onions, i was thinking mang.... it's really hard to have the right attitude while doing this.... my eyes were tearing up like crazy.. my arm was starting to get sore... my head was pounding from the loudness of a dozen knives simultaneously chopping like mad... my neck was hurting from standing and looking down... all i could think about was getting outta there and going to eat....

we went to eat at one of my favorite places.... mizu... i always leave there content... but then it's a fleeting contentment... i'll get hungry again of course.. i start to think about the massive amount of calories i need to burn... the moment of contentment is short.

the lesson i've been learning is to be content... but i guess i'm wondering.... how do you be content in all times?  how do you have the attitude that Job had?

it's weird how you can be surrounded by great housemates, great brothers and sisters in fellowship, great family, great friends and coworkers and yet still feel completely lonely at times.